Picture Zero:

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This is our first couple selfie, I think – paddleboating. Ramon and I met in Pakistan, at a run he and his friends had organized in the Diplomatic Enclave. Within seconds, he invited me to coffee and dual-language conversations. The first couple months wer purely platonic. Then he asked if I wanted to see our friend Billie show slides of her trip up Mount Everest. When he arrived in a jacket and collared shirt, I thought, “This is it, we’re actually on a date now.”

It was a quick trip from “first date” to “inseparable” and I still don’t know quite how that happened, but he was clearly mine if I wanted him. And I did. I also asked him, coyly as I could (no need to share insecurities this early, surely): “What is it you like about me?”

He has never yet given a satisfactory answer, but I’ve grown more comfortable not knowing.

The months we spent in Pakistan were a whirlwind. There was a lot to love about Islamabad. My running girlfriends and I called ourselves “the Golden Girls” – we had no idea what age was really like. You just never knew what was coming next there. There might be camels, painted trucks, hikes in the Margalla hills, pizza night with wine in a teapot, this bearded guy on a pink bike, or hard-core rug bargaining (Ramon, not me!)

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There was, of course, also a lot to love about being in love! Ramon was and remains a romantic, even if he looks like Mr. Tough Guy to the casual observer. There were hikes and runs in the Margalla hills, a visit to local ruins, at least one adventure with wild boars, and learning to play pétanque. We took a trip to Thailand that involved a marsh kayak, barracudas, and a tragicomic misunderstanding that nearly devolved into a fistfight when Holi revelers threw colored powder into Ramon’s eyes.

A very long-distance relationship

My dream job offer in Colombia arrived about this time. It would take me globe-girdlingly far from him. (Inexplicably, the airlines have yet to recognize the potential of direct flights between Islamabad and Bogota). Ramon got reserved and distant as my departure crept closer. I figured we’d just make it work, you know, “somehow”… but I was being unrealistic about such abundant distance. I hadn’t considered the rotten time zone pairing.

But he called me every day, without fail, the entire three years I was there. We visited back and forth and met up in Denver, St. Louis, Chicago, Madrid and in the UK. He met my mom and dad; I met his family and got to dance at one brother’s wedding. After three years of this very long-distance romancing, I moved in with Ramon in Spain.

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Together, depuis 2017

Since then we’ve lived in Tunisia, Italy and now, Madrid. We’ve traveled to nearby and far-flung destinations. We’ve been separated for months at a time for work and visa reasons; we’ve had losses and successes; we’ve eaten countless meals and gone on countless walks. We survived a pandemic, faced personal and professional challenges, and slowly negotiated our space and our togetherness. We’ve called each other “husband” and “wife” for years now, though we’d never tied the knot. Early on, and continuously, I’ve felt my heart was safe with him – and he seems to feel the same way.

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In September of this year, we added Our Wedding to this history. It wasn’t a fancy affair – just a notary’s office here in Madrid. But it still felt like a new level of connection. An economist friend of mine said, yes, well, a contract makes a difference. True, I’m sure. But I also felt Ramon being double-extra cuddly and romantic, and that was quite a good enough result for me.

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In taking advantage of this meaningful day, I brought along some amulets that tied me to the folks I love. My earlobes, though not visible in this photo, carry some earrings from Kyna in the form of suns. In that cute little purse you’d see an arrowhead from Kyle, and bracelets from my mom and my dad. I would have worn the bracelets but I was actually a bit shaky that morning! Little fiddly clasps were not on the docket.

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Love, actually

I don’t know if I thought I’d never meet anyone, but whatever I imagined, Ramon is light-years beyond what even my fertile imagination could have come up with. He’s a universe unto himself. We also have so much in common: languages, travel, politics, and music – a substantial foundation for being together. We differ on our slot in the political spectrum, the importance of a glass of wine at the end of the day, and Barcelona versus Real Madrid. There’s a lot to be said for such a mix.

I learned about love from rom-coms, not from being in or witnessing healthy relationships. At least in part, I have learned to love Ramon by the way he loves me. He’s an awfully good teacher. When this guy loves, he doesn’t go half-baked. Maybe I’ve taught him something too, or given him something – I hope so. I’d give him the moon and stars if I could.

We’re definitely two strong, idiosyncratic folk who brought each other new perspectives. I’ve tried to hold onto the strong self I developed over decades of being on my own; at the same time I think I’ve learned to listen better, and to value difference. I have thrown my hat in with Ramon because he is my sweet love. He is super smart and dorky, he loves his family (and now mine), and he has a heart the size of Alaska.

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The lead-up (or, everyone needs a party)

Just prior to my nuptials, my beloved Jane Janey Jane came from Minnesota, to share a bachelorette drinks-n-dinner. We invited my nears and dears in DC:

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Thanks to this crew of insane, silly, gorgeous, brilliant friends who made me feel so special. Tony, my dear, thank you for buying my meal!!! We had fantastic drinks at Dacha Beer Garden. Then we meandered over to Unconventional Diner for wicked good drinks, great food, and the best, friendliest servers.

Last pic

My regular readers have seen our billions of couple selfies, thanks to Ramon’s long arms. But here’s a fun one taken by his sister Tita this summer. I’m not sure when or how we ended up with coordinated swimsuits, but I approve!

And if, like me, you’re inclined to look for meaning everywhere, this pic might seem to represent how Ramon’s stability and love are a great base that supports my craziness and fun. That’s a pretty good interpretation, right? :>

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