FIve? This has stopped being cute.

I felt I was on my way when I got two rejections. Now that they’ve reached five, even with some lovely apologies mixed in, I feel less sanguine about it.

And of course the fact that everything has gone straight to hell at home does not help. I was so excited for my trip to Madrid and London with Ramon – who wouldn’t be? – but I gotta say, all this “life” sticking its nose into the dream I had imagined… well shit.

Ramon, as usual, is wonderful. He has listened to me through my mental and emotional fluctuations with – it ought to be said – a bit of bafflement but nothing but affection over the top of it. Still, could things just hit sequentially, please, instead of all at once? Could my sister need me when I have mental and emotional strength to share? Could my stepbrother please reserve his health emergencies for times when I can be of useful service, instead of uselessly sitting with my finger on the skype button, thousands of miles away? Could my mom please remember everything she is supposed to remember, until I can be there to remind her gently?

I guess not. And I guess somehow I will have to fight the fight every creative person everywhere has ever had to fight – to get my work seen, and loved, and shared, on top of all the other stuff that is happening in my life. I guess it will be tempered and mitigated and minimized by the time and effort and love I have to expend elsewhere. I guess I cannot expect the Litero-Publishing Industry to do any bloody swooping, anytime soon, until I learn how they work and how to capture their attention in the way to which they’re accustomed, rather than my own.

Probably time for sleep. I’m sure I could use the rest, to face what comes tomorrow with all my well-rested wits about me. I wish everyone who sees this the very same thing – well-rested wits and the courage to face whatever unexpected excitement they’re up against tomorrow. May it be gentle and unable to push back!